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October 29, 2005


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Take a Quiz

Mystic Mansion - in time for halloween!!!!!

now click that link...
and see what wicked things
can be found for halloween...

October 27, 2005

Did You Know?

Did you know that addiction to alcohol or drugs is a real disease, a disease recognized by the American Medical Association back in 1962. Do you know what a disease is? It is an ailment, that without treatment is not only chronic, dehabilitating, but also in many cases fatal. The reason I want you to know that alcoholism or drug addiction is a disease is because the people who have this disease are not bad people. And the reason that someone can go to a bar and have one drink and go home, while an alcoholic will stay til he can't stand up - the reason that happens... is because the alcoholic has a gene which the other person does not... it's an extra gene. A gene that makes that alcoholic predisposed from birth to be an addict. He/She got this gene from his/her parents, or her/his parents parents... someone in the past has been either an alcoholic or an addict. Just like you get blue eyes or blond hair, you get this gene that from the day you were born - you could become an addict/alcoholic. So it isn't our fault - we were born this way.

Do you see what I am trying to tell you? We didn't as children when asked what we wanted to be when we grew up... Hey, I want to be an addict, I want to be homeless... I want to sell my body for drugs, I want to go to jail, I want failed marriages, social problems & physical problems, yes... we want to die young of an incurable but treatable disease... And yes... alcoholism, and drug addiction are incurable, but with the proper treatment - just like cancer or diabetes, it can be put into remission... But will it go away... No Never!

I have been using drugs for 10 years... I am 39. I didn't start out like some kids who just wanted to be different... No, I got another disease... that disease is called Trigeminal Neuralgia, and what that is, is... the 5th cranial nerve that leads from my brain to my jaw is damaged... there is no cartilidge over my jaw to stop the painful shocks that happen everyday to everybody... but I get excurciating pain from it... It's not fatal... But It will Never Go Away. Some people can take tegretol to manage the pain, but I took it... and ended up in hospital for 3 weeks, almost dead. I am allergic to it. So this disease Trigeminal Neuralgia is not life-threatening, yes it can and often does get worse with time... but it won't kill you... though some days you may wish it did... The pain is incredible... on a scale of 1-10 it's a 20... it sort of feels like someone put your head in vice, and then pounded the side of jaw & face with hammer repeatedly... Sometimes it lasts 30 minutes, sometimes it lasts 30 days... It was this disease that they don't have any clue as to how you get it... that caused my life to turn around... for the worst.

I couldn't work, I couldn't sleep, I couldn't eat, and still most days I can't function due to the pain... because all I can take is ibuprophen or tylenol and well neither of those work all that well... so most days, since I am in recovery & treatment for my drug addiction - I am unable to take pain meds... and well the surgery costs upwards of 100,000 dollars to have a balloon inserted between the nerve & the bone. It does not cure the disease, but puts it in remission because you have treated the problem... but it sometimes doesn't last your lifetime... and needs to be done again... well I am sorry... I disabled, I get state insurance and they claim that the surgery that I need is ELECTIVE... because I can't die from having this disease.

So 10 yrs ago, I was desperate... I'm still desperate... I was willing to try anything, to do anything to stop the pain... so I tried cocaine, in a powder form - I used as an anesthetic (like the old days)... when they used cocaine instead of novacaine... to numb the area... so I could have a somewhat normal life...

Now I have been against using drugs recreationally my whole life... I figured if I could live life without drugs, then well why couldn't anyone else... but then my life disingrated... the wind hurt my face, I couldn't lay on it, I couldn't touch it... I still can't... but I have learned to live with it...

Anyway, I never wanted to abuse cocaine... I just needed something to reduce the pain... to make me want to live... but apparently because i was born with the gene that causes addiction... once I found the substance that fit my gene... I was doomed. It was only a matter of time, before I found that living without the drug was what made life unbearable.

And the reason it's so hard to stop using... is because the you spent using - used to be spent working, or doing other things... only know for the last 10 yrs - I only did one thing... I used drugs. So now, you take away the drugs... and I have 24 hours in a day to try to figure out how to stay busy. Remember, I can't work. I also have severe arthritis in my hips... So I joined an intensive outpatient therapy group - as the beginning of my treatment of my disease of addiction... I was in remission, have been before... but because I am human - I make mistakes... so I am starting again... and as long as I continue my treatment, even if I fall back, as long as I continue to hope that the future will be with my drug addiction in remission... I am doing the best I can.

So if you are an addict or alcoholic... stop beating yourself up. It's not your fault. Yes, you are the only one who can decide to work towards putting your disease in remission... but having the disease is not your fault.

Now some people think that because we continued to use, even though we knew it caused chaos in our lives... that we just did because we wanted too.. I did alot of the time, when I didn't want it. When I wanted to die, rather then pick up and use, but being an addiction as well as a disease made life seem impossible without the drug. I stopped living just to live... I began to live only to feed my habit. Everything in my world was about the drug. If I wasn't using, I was thinking about it. If I wasn't thinking about, I was dreaming about it. I wasn't dreaming about it, I was trying to figure how I was gonna get this time... it won't take long with a cocaine addiction to become broke. So after we figured out how we were gonna pay for it, then we had to find it... cause well dealers come and go... so now, we found it... but we no car... so we are walking or hitchhiking to get it... we get there finally... hours later... and we pay the man/woman and we get the substance... well if you are like me... powder wasn't good enough in the end... I smoked it... so I couldn't just use it, right there... I had to get it home... walking, hitchhiking, bus... maybe be lucky and get a ride... then we get home and we use... and then we sleep... because eating isn't an option... you will throw up, and you want to kick yourself in the middle night for not saving any - because you wake up in the middle night and your jaw is in excurciating pain... but you didn't save any... because you can't. An addiction is when you can't stop. You can't walk away from it. You can't put it down, you can't save it.

I wish I never was born with that gene... because I believed that I could take anything anyone, or anything dished out to me... I was... I am... a SURVIVOR... and I am in remission from my addiction/my disease. And it's not my fault. And I am not bad person. Am I am worthy of love, acceptance, I am worthy of living a life with my disease in remission one day at a time.

Want to know more?

Visit Life of an Addict!

Lyrics & music to I'm A Bitch

I'm A Bitch (it's just a midi file)

Written by Alanis Morrisette,
Sung by Meredith Brooks

I hate the world today
You're so good to me
I know but I can't change
Tried to tell you
But you look at me like maybe
I'm an angel underneath
Innocent and sweet
Yesterday I cried
Must have been relieved to see
The softer side
I can understand how you'd be so confused
I don't envy you
I'm a little bit of everything
All rolled into one

I'm a bitch, I'm a lover
I'm a child, I'm a mother
I'm a sinner, I'm a saint
I do not feel ashamed
I'm your hell, I'm your dream
I'm nothing in between
You know you wouldn't want it any other way

So take me as I am
This may mean
You'll have to be a stronger man
Rest assured that
When I start to make you nervous
And I'm going to extremes
Tomorrow I will change
And today won't mean a thing


Just when you think, you got me figured out
The season's already changing
I think it's cool, you do what you do
And don't try to save me


I'm a bitch, I'm a tease
I'm a goddess on my knees
When you hurt, when you suffer
I'm your angel undercover
I've been numb, I'm revived
Can't say I'm not alive
You know I wouldn't want it any other way

Ok The Smut Is Back... Ever Get Flagged?

Sexy Games & Other Strange Oddities

I found this site...

and for those you loved the unusual & creepy pics

you almost always found here

at Whadda Ya Say?...

Will love the animated sex games,

3D Virtual Reality Games

Downloads or play online.


If I could guarantee
I wouldn't get FLAGGED AGAIN...

Cause when I was flagged...

It somehow got to my GOOGLE Submission...

and that sucks...

why anyone would do that...
it's really cruel...

My site has never been pornographic,
the idea was the shock-factor.

The unusualness,
the strangeness of pictures
found on the internet.

But Still They FLAGGED ME...

They might as well have
nailed me to a tree and stoned me...
or drowned me like a witch...

Sorry, but some people got alot of nerve...
acting as if they were GOD...


So If You Wondered Where all the great pics went...

I didn't want to lose anymore people...

but I still think it is unfair...

I don't thing that should even be on my blogsite.
Anybody know where you can blog

October 25, 2005

Desperate Housewives

With a typical "Desperate Housewivea" flourish of high drama, the man locked in a Wisteria Lane basement was revealed Sunday to be --

(spoiler alert!)

-- a fugitive from justice.

Caleb, being held in secret by neighborhood newcomer Betty Applewhite (Alfre Woodard), may be responsible for the killing four months ago of a teenage girl in Chicago -- a crime for which another man has been arrested.

"It's time we talked about her, Caleb," Betty tells him after seeing a TV news report of the arrest. "Until you start accepting responsibility for what happened, you know I can't let you out of here."

Page Kennedy, the actor playing Caleb, remained a barely glimpsed mystery figure before Sunday. He's glad to emerge from the shadows, but careful not to disclose much about his character.

"I do know that he's sweet but he can be very dangerous," Kennedy told The Associated Press.

The man's story is evolving as production continues, he said. The actor doesn't know Caleb's fate and acknowledges that others on the suburban satire have met untimely ends.

Asked if Caleb makes it through the season, Kennedy said, "Yes," then, after a pause, "Hopefully."

During Sunday's episode, Betty is seen composing a letter to Chicago police advising that an innocent person is in custody. Her son, Matthew (Mehcad Brooks), warns her that she's putting Caleb, who appears to be in his 20s and developmentally disabled, in danger.

"He's not a killer," she said. "He was confused."

"They're not gonna care how slow Caleb is. They'll just execute him," Mehcad replies. Caleb's relationship to the Applewhites is not made clear.

The murder victim was identified as a 17-year-old high school student named Melanie Foster.

To All The Sites I Added My Link To... Please send me your link

Please Bear With Me... If I asked to be listed on your site, could you please send me the info you would like me to post on the site... I had it all done... but then my computer froze and it didn't save anything.

I am terribly sorry... I should have kept a list, but I thought that maybe just this once - my computer would comply with my wishes, rather that prove once again to me that it is just a stupid machine that doesn't know anything.

I promise to have all the banners up and running as soon as you can get them to me.



October 23, 2005

Wanna Swop Banners?

Whadday Ya Say?