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DreamBook

November 05, 2005

ONLINE ORGASM STIMULATOR...

Take the Test... see how the other sex reaches and feels during an orgasm


boy the things you find on the internet...

i was reading the list of 40 mistakes men make in bed...

it's a hoot all right...

here they are: straight from the evilgoddess herself:




1) NOT KISSING FIRST.
Avoiding her lips and diving straight for the erogenous zones makes her feel like you're paying by the hour and trying to get your money's worth by cutting out nonessentials. A proper passionate kiss is the ultimate form of foreplay.


2) BLOWING TOO HARD IN HER EAR.
Admit it, some kid at school told you girls love this. Well, there's a difference between being erotic and blowing as if you're trying to extinguish the candles on your 50th birthday cake. That hurts.

3) NOT SHAVING.
You often forget you have a porcupine strapped to your chin which you rake repeatedly across your partner's face and thighs. When she turns her head from side to side, it's not passion, it's avoidance.


4) SQUEEZING HER BREAST.
Most men act like a housewife testing a melon for ripeness when they get their hand on a pair. Stroke, caress, and smooth them.


5) BITING HER NIPPLES.
Why do men fasten onto a woman's nipples, then clamp down like they're trying to deflate her body via her breasts? Nipples are highly sensitive. They can't stand up to chewing. Lick and suck them gently. Flicking your tongue across them is good. Pretending they're a doggie toy isn't.


6) TWIDDLING HER NIPPLES.
Stop doing that thing where you twiddle the nipples between finger and thumb like you're trying to find a radio station in a hilly area. Focus on the whole breasts, not just the exclamation points.

7) IGNORING THE OTHER PARTS OF HER BODY.
A woman is not a highway with just three turnoffs: Breastville East and West, and the Midtown Tunnel. There are vast areas of her body which you've ignored far too often as you go bombing straight into downtown Vagina. So start paying them some attention.


8) GETTING THE HAND TRAPPED.
Poor manual dexterity in the underskirt region can result in tangled fingers and underpants. If you're going to be that aggressive, just ask her to take the damn things off.

9) LEAVING HER A LITTLE PRESENT.
Condom disposal is the man's responsibility. You wore it, you store it.


10) ATTACKING THE CLITORIS.
Direct pressure is very unpleasant, so gently rotate your fingers along side of the clitoris.


11) STOPPING FOR A BREAK.
Women, unlike men, don't pick up where they left off. If you stop, they plummet back to square one very fast. If you can tell she's not there, keep going at all costs, numb jaw or not.


12) UNDRESSING HER AWKWARDLY.
Women hate looking stupid, but stupid she will look when naked at the waist with a sweater stuck over her head. Unwrap her like an elegant present, not a kid's toy.
13) GIVING HER A WEDGIE DURING FOREPLAY.
Stroking her gently through her panties can be very sexy. Pulling the material up between her thighs and yanking it back and forth is not.

14) BEING OBSESSED WITH THE VAGINA.
Although most men can find the clitoris without maps, they still believe that the vagina is where it's all at. No sooner is your hand down there than you're trying to stuff stolen banknotes up a chimney. This is okay in principle, but if you're not careful, it can hurt - so don't get carried
away. It's best to pay more attention to her clitoris and the exterior of her vagina at first, then gently slip a finger inside her and see if she likes it.


15) MASSAGING TOO ROUGHLY.
You're attempting to give her a sensual, relaxing massage to get her in the mood. Hands and fingertips are okay; elbows and knees are not.

16) UNDRESSING PREMATURELY.
Don't force the issue by stripping before she's at least made some move toward getting your stuff off, even if it's just undoing a couple of buttons.


17) TAKING YOUR PANTS OFF FIRST.
A man in socks and underpants is at his worst. Lose the socks first.

18) GOING TOO FAST.
When you get to the penis-in-vagina situation, the worst thing you can do is pump away like an industrial power tool - she'll soon feel like an assembly line worker made obsolete by your technology. Build up slowly, with clean, straight, regular thrusts.


19) GOING TOO HARD.
If you bash your great triangular hip bones into her thigh or stomach, the pain is equal to two weeks of horseback riding concentrated into a few seconds.


20) COMING TOO SOON.
Every man's fear. With reason. If you shoot before you see the whites of her eyes, make sure you have a backup plan to ensure her pleasure too.

21) NOT COMING SOON ENOUGH.
It may appear to you that humping for an hour without climaxing is the mark of a sex god, but to her it's more likely the mark of a numb vagina. At least buy some intriguing wall hangings, so she has something to hold her interest while you're playing Marathon Man.


22) ASKING IF SHE HAS COME.
You really ought to be able to tell. Most women make noise. But if you really don't know, don't ask!!!


23) PERFORMING ORAL SEX TOO GENTLY.
Don't act like a giant cat at a saucer of milk. Get your whole mouth down there, and concentrate on gently rotating or flicking your tongue on her clitoris.


24) NUDGING HER HEAD DOWN.
Men persist in doing this until she's eyeball-to-penis, hoping that it will lead very swiftly to mouth-to-penis. All women hate this. It's about three steps from being dragged to a cave by their hair. If you want her to use her mouth, use yours; try talking seductively to her.


25) NOT WARNING HER BEFORE YOU CLIMAX.
Sperm tastes like sea water mixed with egg white. Not everybody likes it. When she's performing oral sex, warn her before you come so she can do what's necessary.


26) MOVING AROUND DURING FELLATIO.
Don't thrust. She'll do all the moving during fellatio. You just lie there. And don't grab her head.
27) TAKING ETIQUETTE ADVICE FROM PORN MOVIES.
In X-rated movies, women seem to love it when men ejaculate over them. In real life, it just means more laundry to do.


28) MAKING HER RIDE ON TOP FOR AGES.
Asking her to be on top is fine. Lying there grunting while she does all the hard work is not. Caress her gently, so that she doesn't feel quite so much like the captain of a schooner. And let her have a rest.

29) ATTEMPTING ANAL SEX AND PRETENDING IT WAS AN ACCIDENT.
This is how men earn a reputation for not being able to follow directions. If you want to put it there, ask her first. And don't think that being drunk is an excuse.


30) TAKING PICTURES.
When a man says, "Can I take a photo of you?" she'll hear the words"__to show my buddies." At least let her have custody of them.

31) NOT BEING IMAGINATIVE ENOUGH.
Imagination is anything from drawing patterns on her back to pouring honey on her and licking it off. Fruit, vegetables, ice and feathers are all handy props; hot candle wax and permanent dye are a no no.

32) SLAPPING YOUR STOMACH AGAINST HERS.
There is no less erotic noise. It's as sexy as a belching contest.

33) ARRANGING HER IN STUPID POSES.
If she wants to do advanced yoga in bed, fine, but unless she's a Romanian gymnast, don't get too ambitious. Ask yourself if you want a sexual partner with snapped hamstrings.

34) LOOKING FOR HER PROSTATE.
Read this carefully: Anal stimulation feels good for men because they have a prostate. Women don't.


35) GIVING LOVE BITES.
It is highly erotic to exert some gentle suction on the sides of the neck, if you do it carefully. No woman wants to have to wear turtlenecks and jaunty scarves for weeks on end.


36) BARKING INSTRUCTIONS.
Don't shout encouragement like a coach with a megaphone. It's not a bigturn-on.


37) TALKING DIRTY.
It makes you sound like a lonely magazine editor calling a 1-900line. If she likes nasty talk, she'll let you know...


38) NOT CARING WHETHER SHE COMES.
You have to finish the job. Keep on trying until you get it right, and she might even do the same for you.


39) SQUASHING HER.
Men generally weigh more than women, so if you lie on her a bit too heavily, she will turn blue.


40) THANKING HER.
Never thank a woman for having sex with you. Your bedroom is not a soup kitchen.

Does your man need lessons in love?




Evil Goddess gives lessons to men

November 01, 2005

Oh My... What Fun You Can Have In The Jungle? or maybe a ZOO?

I took the test and got Playstation (RGSMF) - You Try Now?


The Playstation
Random Gentle Sex Master (RGSMf)

Easy to turn on. Hard to beat. You are The Playstation.

You're a nice girl, and you have lots of sex. It's therefore highly likely that you're attractive, and you're certainly outgoing & friendly. Plus, this healthy physical attitude of yours indicates deeper emotional well-being and stability. Unheard of. When guys dare to dream, they dream of you.

You don't get attached too easily, and, to wit, you're not necessarily looking for something long-term right now. That's a bigger asset than you know. Though, physically speaking, you're open to anything, you're keeping your emotional side well-protected. This means there won't be a lot of wreckage to clean up whenever you decide to settle down.

Your exact opposite:
The Priss

Deliberate Brutal Love Dreamer






In the meantime, the men you share yourself with actually respect you. Like them, you enjoy sex for its own sake and don't need any other validation for pleasure than pleasure itself. Hopefully, you have the good sense to blow off anyone who thinks less of you for that. Usually, this is the part of the description where we offer some life-correcting advice, but honestly, we can't think of anything about you we'd change. Keep on fucking, partner.


ALWAYS AVOID: The Mixed Messenger

CONSIDER: Anyone else






Link: The 32-Type Dating Test by OkCupid - Free Online Dating.
My profile name: lynnfromct

Take this useless quiz, then design your own.

You scored 40% Knowledge!
How much useless crap do you know?



My test tracked 3 variables.

How you compared to other people your age and gender:

free online datingfree online dating
You scored higher than 25% on Knowledge
Link: The Useless Information Test written by Mike_Oxard on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

October 31, 2005

Got An Opinion - Answers the neat questions now...

What Would You Do?

  1. You are sent to live on a deserted island in the middle of some big ocean... luckily enough - you have food to last forever, a shelter, clean drinking water, and clothes... You also have candles & enough matches to last a lifetime... You are allowed to bring with you ONLY 1 ITEM? What Do You Pick?
  2. Why did the chicken cross the road? Everybody I am sure has an answer for that one... pick your fave and post it.
  3. You were shopping at your favorite store, which just so happened to be next to a bank. While you were in the store, someone robs the bank and runs away. You get to your car, and notice a bag of money on the seat - obvisiously the bank-robber got cold-feet and dumped the money - just so happens to be your car, cause you left the window open... What do You do With The Money?
  4. You are dying for your favorite coffee? What Flavor is it, and how do you like it?
  5. What's your favorite holiday? Why?
  6. What's your favorite color? and is it the same color it was when you were younger?
  7. What is the kookiest, tackiest outfit you have ever worn, what was it, and where did you go?
  8. Country Music or Rap?
  9. Pop or death metal?
  10. What is your favorite singer or band?
  11. How bout favorite movie of all time?
  12. When did you first kiss? Yes I know that was along time ago... but surely you remember your first kiss?
  13. When did you lose your virginity? and was the guy/girl older or younger than you?
  14. What was your favorite activity as a child? What toy did you play with most? TV Show? Cartoon? Food?
  15. Were these questions too goofy for you? and why?
  16. Tightie Whities or Boxers?
  17. Is the glass half-empty, or half-full?
  18. Do you write in print or cursive?
  19. Do you use the F word in normal conversation?
  20. What is your favorite time of day? and why?

Happy Halloween....

I will be doling out candy for a little while tonight... but around 8:30pm est time, I will don a pillow case with holes for eyes... and go around to a few houses to get some candy to keep in the house.. I live in a condo complex... and everybody trick or treat's even the grown-ups... it's just a fun time to get to know the others in the condo complex... and be friendly...

Oh and nobody who doesn't live here... gets in here on halloween night, unless they walk in... we all have stickers for our car - you don't have a sticker the security guard is at the entrance and well if you don't have a sticker... You just don't get to come in. This condo should be called halloween candy delight... because on halloween - everybody wishes they lived here. We live in a relatively small town, but we still don't like outsiders carousing through our make-believe world on halloween night.